Geekfoolery

Hats. Simple and functional, most of the time, but there’s more to a hat than just keeping your head warm or dry. A generation ago, no man would be seen in public without one. Today, most people wear a hat to make a point, though some are functional. Here now a list, in no particular order, are the coolest hats from both real life and fictional heroes alike:

1. Indiana Jone’s Fedora: This movie probably single-handedly revived the hat industry, at least for a time. The Indiana Jones is as cool and timeless, and if you wear one in public, it’s likely you’ll be mistaken for a young Harrison Ford as you walk down the street. At least that’s what happens to me. Also I find that the Indiana Jones hat draws less attention from security guards and bouncers than the bullwhip, which I have to leave at home most of the time.
2. John Steed’s Bowler: The quintessential Englishman, wearing the quintessential Englishman’s hat, can only mean of course that one has the quintessential Englishman’s job, which of course, is International Spy. If I ever do a list of top umbrellas, the Avenger’s brolly will no doubt make that list, and there is a place on a list somewhere for Diana Rigg’s leather pants.
3. Oddjob’s Bowler hat: Oddjob was less the quintessential English gentleman than John Steed, but the razor-sharp edge of his bowler even had James Bond (not much of a hat wearer, apparently) on the run, at least for a while.
4. Navy Mark V Diving Helmet: We’ve all seen these even if we didn’t know what they were. The big metal helmet with glass windows and an air hose coming out of it. Growing up on The Undersea World of Jacque Cousteau, for a while it seemed like these helmets were played for laughs, something Sylvester the Cat would wear while trying to catch Tweety, or immortalized as the bubbling thing at the bottom of goldfish aquariums.  But the Mark V is real kick-ass piece of military hardware, and it was used up through the 70s by the Navy until lighter materials came along. Some Mark V dive rigs may still be in use around the world. Men wearing these suits raised every ship except the Arizona off the bottom of Pearl Harbor. A reasonably accurate portrayal of Navy diving in these things, and the story of Carl Brashear, the first African American navy diver, can be seen in film Men of Honor.
   If you want one for your living room, decent replicas run around $500. The real thing, if you can find one, runs about 10 times that.
5. Astronaut helmets: The men and women who have worn these helmets on the job number in the low hundreds, mostly Russians and the Americans, and the handful of Europeans, Chinese, and others. The famous ones are in museums, though rumor has it that one worn in space by Gordon Cooper is in a private collector’s hands.
6. Darth Vader’s helmet and mask: We know now that this evil headgear is really just a medical appliance that keeps the charred remains of Anakin Skywalker alive, and thinking that it is cool is a bit like saying, “Wow, that’s a really cool iron lung.” But if you’re going to be possessed by the Dark Side, it doesn’t hurt the image. It’s like an eyepatch on steroids.
7. Leonidas’ Helmet from 300: Leonidas was one bad-ass Spartan king, and I knew that before I saw 300.
8. The “Snoopy” Aviator helmet: Here’s the World War One flying ace, silk scarf, leather jacket, cool helmet.
9. Sherlock Holmes deerstalker: The deerstalker cap was not Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s idea, but it lives on now as the icon of the famous consulting detective. Maybe there was a time when the cap would prompt comments from friends like, “Going out stalking deer, Mr. Alex?” The deerstalker today can lead observers to only one inescapable conclusion, elementary, my dear Watson.
10. The Beer Helmet: I can’t think of anyone famous for wearing the beer helmet, and in fact, wearing one would probably diminish one’s chances of real fame, but still, the helmet has an undeniable funtionality that can’t, uh, be denied. Buy one here. One size fits all, makes a great gift.

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