Geekfoolery

The Internet loves April Fool’s day. For many sites, the April Fool’s story is an annual tradition–Google chipped in this year with Gmail Paper and TiSP (Beta) Free in-home Wireless Broadband. Geek tech retailer ThinkGeek had a page of April Fool’s gags, including one that was so popular, they’re going to actually make and sell it. There were many others.

But April Fool’s is behind us, so there should now be a somewhat reasonable expectation that what we read on the Internet tubes should be more or less real and informative, at least in places where the website owners are trying to be. There are many times when I have fired up Google to search on some kind of HOWTO article on anything from error messages to making lemonade to how to remove an oily spot from a T-shirt. What is fascinating is how the Internet can truly function like a “marketplace of ideas” where the good information does tend to rise the top. Not 100% of the time, of course, but for the most part, you can figure out how to do almost anything on the Internet.

I guess the key word here is “almost.”

It’s a bit like Wikipedia… a collected body of knowledge continuously updated by the users. There are other Wikis out there. Some people maintain them for their schools, or groups, or other organizations. Others are more specialized versions of the Great Wikipedia. I ran across one called Wikihow the other day–”The How-To Manual that Anyone Can Write or Edit.”

Hmmm. The more I think about it, the more that sounds like a bad idea.

The article that caught my eye came up on my RSS feed somewhere, headlined, “How to Prepare for Date.” Now I have been out of the dating scene for some time, but I could probably summarize briefly with the words “clean up.” Clean your place, clean yourself, clean your car. You are who you are, and there isn’t much you can do to change that, but you can clean things up a bit. Beyond that, what else is there to do? And an even bigger question, what kind of person needs this kind of advice anyway?

Among the article’s savvy tips that the unwashed masses might not be aware of are: Read up on Current Events so you can Impress Your Date with your Knowledge. Read the Wikihow article on How to be Funny. Relax and be yourself and “be confident.” Not sure why one of those tips needs quotation marks and the other one didn’t. Whatever. It seems like it’s all about “being positive!”

So after a heaping helping of “be positive!” and “think upbeat thoughts!” and “loosen up,” it’s time for the heapin’ helpin’ of “but make sure your date doesn’t slip you a date rape drug!” advice. The advice to “be positive” is useless. If you’re depressing and morose, reading an article admonishing you to cut it out won’t help. Maybe they should change it to “make sure you’re taking your antidepressants.” And without in any way dismissing the fact that date rape is a Very Bad Thing, the advice given is reminsicent of Dustin Hoffman’s Rain Man’s insistence on only flying Quantas airlines since they’ve never crashed.

The article links to a number of equally useless Wikihow articles on “How to Have a Great Conversation” and “How to be a Memorable First Date” or “How to Have a Healthy Relationship.”

Each one of these articles sounds like a plot device in an old TV sitcom–Sergeant Carter desperately trying to get Gomer Pyle to have a Great Conversation with his Memorable First Date, while Gomer clumsily tries to follow the directions, probably actually reading the article off of notes pinned to his sleeve by Sergeant Carter.

I know there is good advice out there on the Internet. I can usually find it when I need it. I am more interested in hearing about the bad advice that is online. Post your bad advice below.

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