Don’t EVER Press the RED Button
Years ago, I was one of those guys who answered the technical support line, “How can I help you?” It didn’t pay a lot, but I was pretty good at it, and I enjoyed being able to help people who for one reason or another couldn’t figure out how to fix the problem they were having. Despite the clichÄ—s about cupholders and “where is the ‘any’ key,” I never really saw the people on the other end of the phone as dumb or stupid. Most of the time, people were just trying to get something done, and following what they thought was a reasonable course of action. For a variety of reasons–not least among them the fact that Internet technology and software of the era were at best beta-quality–what often started as a simple problem for some people had a tendency to end with everything going haywire.
As it seemed to be the case for this guy who called me one time.
The guy seemed to understand his computer fairly well, and he was having a minor issue with a recent upgrade of Netscape. As I listened to him describe the problem, it really seemed that in retrospect, it might have been a better idea at the time to just live with it, but it seemed like such a minor thing, that minor fix would take care of it straightaway, so off he went. First, he thought he would uninstall and go back to the old version. Not only did that not fix the problem, now Netscape would not work at all. Fiddling with the uninstall and reinstalls, he soon found himself without Internet Explorer as well. So he decided to reinstall his old Internet connection software that he remembered he had used to sign up for Internet access. But he had done a few OS upgrades in the past, and somehow now he couldn’t connect to the Internet at all, and he seemed to feel that at the rate he was going, soon the computer itself would just explode and reduce itself to its components. He told this story with a growing sense of exasperation and frustration–why is it being such an ordeal to solve what at first was a simple little problem.
As I listened to the guy talk, for some bizarre reason, my brain called up a classic Warner Brothers’ cartoon with Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd, called “Design for Leaving.” In the cartoon, Daffy Duck barges into Elmer Fudd’s home and installs a host of modern labor-saving devices all controlled from a central wall panel, all aimed at making Elmer’s home the push-button house of tomorrow, and Elmer’s life one of unparallelled ease. During the demo, of course, each gadget that Daffy shows off has unintended consequences for Elmer, who, like the man I was speaking to, finds himself growing increasingly frustrated with technology in general and Daffy in particular. Finally, Elmer uses the machines to throw Daffy out, and then decides to go push the big red button that Daffy had specifically told him never to push.
Standard tech support training in these situations directs the representative to “make empathy statements.” Then, having gained the customer’s trust, a tech support agent is supposed to document the case, and begin following a script that walks the customer through a tested fix for his problem. At that particular moment, my empathy for this customer was genuine–I mean the guy was just trying to make a simple adjustment to his computer, and now the damn thing didn’t work at all–but my empathy was mixed with that image of Elmer Fudd’s house, the red button that was labelled “For Use In Case of Tidal Wave” having been pressed, rising to an impossible height above the ground on a shiny hydraulic cylinder, and Elmer, looking out his front door and the countryside below, wondering what to do next.
I didn’t use an empathy statement with this guy, I used the same line that Daffy used on Elmer as he casually flew by the house in a cartoon helicopter, and said, “For a small fee, I’ll install this blue button to get you down.”
I don’t know what I was expecting a frustrated customer to do when my brain came up with this bizarre reference to a 1954 Daffy Duck cartoon without warning. But what I got was a howl of tension-breaking laughter that lasted for about two minutes before the guy calmed down. Turns out he was a huge fan of Warner Brothers animation, and knew the cartoon well, the title, the year, the director. And more to the point, he understood exactly what I was trying to say when I was comparing him to Elmer Fudd. And he agreed.
So we laughed, and I said, “OK, all you gotta do is do exactly what I tell you to do, and in 10 minutes, we’ll have you back online.” And we did.
All of us have hit the red button every now and again, and as a result, have found ourselves a mile in the sky, unsure of how to get down. Watch out for those red buttons. And you might want to keep a supply of blue buttons handy.
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Dear Mr. Alex,
You’ve chosen a movie from the Warner Brothers cartoon series (“Design for Leavingâ€) and an example of fictional technology (red and blue buttons). You may have thought that you were making a metaphorical comment on the trials and travails of life, but I know when the gauntlet has been thrown down (even though I don’t know what a gauntlet is), and I accept the challenge. That’s right, regardless of what your intent was, I know that your post was truly the following challenge: If you could choose any fictional technology from a film (including cartoons) what technology from what film would you choose and why? How do I know that? Well, that’s just the kind of nutcase that I am — period.
I’d choose Bad Bob’s go-back-in-time-a-tron or, actually, his go-back-further-in-time-a-tron in “Rex the Runt: Too Many Dogs†http://www.atomfilms.com/film/rex_runt_dogs.jsp?channelKeyword=channel_rex_runt
because I always wish I had a way to go back in time and fix my f_ck ups. However, I’m sure that if I really could use such a machine, I’d fall victim to some kind of poetic justice, and I don’t know meter from a hole in the ground.
At risk of being thought impertinent, I challenge any of your readers to say what fictional technology from what film they would use and why they would use it.
Sincerely,
Mr. Monkey
[…] Don’t EVER Press the RED Button! […]
The shiny, candy-like button?
as a fellow tech-supporter, i know how great moments like that can feel. thanks for the post
well thought out post post. THANX!
In response to Mr. Monkey….
The cartoon invention I would want in real life is either the entire ACME catalog, which I have posted on the past
http://www.geekfoolery.com/2007/01/17/acme/
… Or Stimpy’s “Happy Helmet.”
Geekfoolery » Archive » Don’t EVER Press the RED Button…
Geekfoolery » Archive » Don’t EVER Press the RED Button…
“Woohoo! I’m back on the internet!”
“Now you won’t have to deal with any of that *pesky* sunlight *any* more!”
Dear Master Alex,
I grew up with the Road Runner and the Coyote at my mother’s teat, so I know a thing or two about ACME, not to mention my mother’s teat. (Yes, teat. Singular. I could say more, but it’s taken me years of therapy to get over, and I’d rather not discuss it now.) However, I was not familiar with this Stimpy’s “Happy Helmet†of which you spoke, so I checked Wikipedia, and, wow (!), this led to an investigation of the metaphysics of emotions (specifically happiness — natch) that I wasn’t prepared for.
According to the Wikipedia article
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Hole/Stimpy’s_Invention#Notes.2C_Goofs.2C_and_Trivia_2
“… Stimpy’s … invention, The Stay-Put Socks (which always stay up, and never fall down to the ankles [because they] are filled with glue) … push[es] Ren over the edge and he loses it[.] Convulsing and contorting with anger[, he] … says, ‘You flithy swine! I will KILL you!’ Stimpy realizes that he must … , use his gift of invention to cure Ren’s unhappiness.†Apparently, shortly after this, Stimpy invents the aforementioned Happy Helmet, and, at least in the short term, Ren is happy. Or is he?
The article goes on to say that after Ren smashes the Happy Helmet with a hammer, he starts choking Stimpy. “Stimpy is bewildered as to why Ren is once again angry. However, Ren comes to the bizarre realization that he simply loves to be angry.†Apparently, and paradoxically, Ren is only happy when he is angry. The entry goes on to look at sociological/pharmaceutical implications of Stimpy’s Happy Helmet:
“The happy helmet appears to be a metaphor for (and satire of) anti-depressants or even drug use. The helmet forces Ren to be happy, and as its effects begin to wear ([e.g.], Ren is lying depressed in bed,) Stimpy increases the happy helmet’s effect to encourage him to be happy. This could be akin to either a doctor prescribing medication or a drug addict self-medicating, only to find that though the drug forces her/him to act happier and feel different, but not feel happier.â€
Of course this fundamental distinction between appearance and “reality†(i.e., one’s “true†feelings) forces one to reexamine cognitive science’s automatons and zombies
http://www.google.com/search?num=50&hl=en&newwindow=1&safe=off&q=%22cognitive+science%22+automatons+zombies&btnG=Search
from a fresh perspective. Or how would one know if the Happy Helmet truly made one happy? Now my mention of time travel seems trite vis-Ã -vis your Happy Helmet.
Your humble sycophant (redundant, aint it?),
Mr. Monkey
Monkey:
While the Wikipedia entry is accurate, it is not the same as actually seeing the original animation. Get the DVD, and furthermore, listen to the director’s commentary. It’s a BRILLIANT piece of animation.
One other item that seemed to be staple of the old WB cartoons was “vanishing cream.” Apparently this used to be something that one would find in one’s mom’s bathroom, and it supposedly was made wrinkles or spots go away or something like that. Obviously in the mind of an addled larvae-stage animator, poking around, Vanishing Cream would make things vanish.
Wouldn’t that be cool?
road runner time warner…
Hi. Thanks for the good read….