The No-Cable Guy
TiVo. Slingbox. Youtube. Google Video. TV shows and movies on iTunes Music Store. Video podcasts. Plus Xbox/Playstation/Nintendo. And plain ol’ Internet surfing on top of it. Here is my question: Exactly how many hours does one have in a day does one have to absorb entertainment from a TV screen?
(Well, 24 hours in a day, minus 6 hours for sleeping. Bathroom breaks and eating can be handled during commercials. Work, family, friends-idle distractions from the bigger picture. Perhaps that 108 inch flat screen they had at CES.)
One thing I left out of that list up above was cable TV, and for a good reason. I don’t actually have cable, and I haven’t had it for nearly two decades. The last time I had basic cable it cost 8 bucks a month, and 50 channels seemed like a lot. I don’t have it now, and my reasoning goes like this: If I am lucky, cable is $50 a month, which a pretty decent chunk of money for monthly bill. If I am spending $50, I want to get my money’s worth. The problem is that if I found myself taking in $50 worth of cable TV every month, I’d be passing up a lot of other worthwhile things I could be doing, like spending time with my wife and kids.
Interestingly, maybe it’s just me, but kids are often cited as a reason why I SHOULD have cable. Educational TV, Disney, and the rest. Since I don’t have cable, my kids read books. A LOT of books. They come back from the library every week with 10 or 15 books and they run out mid-week. I regret to say that I wasted a ton of time when I was kid in front of cartoons, so I am happy that tradition is not being passed on.
Still, I’m not a total Luddite. I have Netflix, and I have found that pretty much anything that looks interesting on Discovery Channel or History Channel is usually available on Netflix in short order. I have at least 10 or 20 hours of video podcasts and free video pilot episodes on iTunes Music Store. I get all the Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert I need from Internet sites. And the only commercials I ever have to watch are the really cool ones that get forwarded around again and again.
Yet I don’t know anyone else who doesn’t have cable. I want to know… Do you have cable? If you have it, could you give it up? Let me know.
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I, Mr. Monkey, have appointed myself Geekfoolery’s cub reporter. As I am self appointed, none of the people at the Geek Network in general, Geekfoolery in particular, or any of their lackeys necessarily share my opinions. At this point in time, my self-assigned responsibilities are limited to random comments that range from oblique references to the posts to complete non-sequiturs.
I don’t have cable either for the same reason: It’s too damn expensive, and, like you, I get the stuff that I like on DVD or the internet. (Yes, I did NOT use a capital “I†for “internet.†I don’t feel any need to. And I find it especially ironic that folks with iMacs and iPods write “Internet†instead of “internet.â€)
As for “first run films,†when I go to the theater, I make it a double feature—that is, I sneak in and watch another movie after the one that I paid for. (Yes, I know. I am going to spend an eternity after I die surrounded by sulphur, fire, wailing, and gnashing of teeth, but I’m ready for that; due to my experiences with civil servants and telemarketers in this life, I don’t expect the culture shock to be that bad.) I used to use rudimentary math and the listings in the newspaper. Now I usually use Yahoo to figure out what the second feature will be. However, I’ve just discovered a website that says it will do the work for me:
http://doublefeaturefinder.com/
I haven’t tried it yet, but you type in your zip code or the zip code AND the movie that you want to see, and it searches for a movie that begins after the first movie ends. Here are some old school tips that still apply to today’s exciting digital, multiplex world. First, get there early because you’ll have some reconnaissance work to do. Second, if you don’t bring in you own refreshments, spring for a large drink and popcorn — you’re gonna be there for a long time. Finally (this is the reconnaissance part), find the theater that you are going to sneak into before you watch the first movie. Good luck and God’s speed!
Finally, on the subject of bathroom breaks and crap to watch, this site kills two birds with one stone (Warning: I think it’s pretty funny, but some viewers might find it distasteful):
http://www.abum.com/file/shadow/animations/11259.swf
Are there any Korean speakers who can tell me what the lyrics are?
B’bye for now,
Mr. Monkey
[…] At least a couple of you are not afraid to cut the cable from the cable company, as I suggested in No-Cable Guy. Both Ryan and Mr. Monkey, among others are quite content to get their Recommended Daily Allowance of Video Nourishment from either iTunes Music Store, Netflix, and Internet sites. Mr. Monkey also suggested that one can stretch one’s movie theatre allowance by sneaking into other theatres after your main feature is over. I’m shocked, shocked I tell you, to learn that my readership includes such flagrant scofflaws. He even mentioned a website, http://doublefeaturefinder.com/, that aids and abets such behavior! My only regret is that Hollywood seldom has two films in simultaneous release that are actually worth seeing on the same day. […]
Glad to know we aren’t the only ones. It has been over a year, since we cut the cable. We miss it now and then, as we don’t get any tv signals (beautiful mountains).
Netflix and library videos give us enough tv to watch. Though we tend to use our “extra” time to play computer games or build mindstorm robots.
David Sedaris does an essay about a family next door who didn’t have a TV, and how he and family viewed them practically as aliens.
I don’t get quite the same reaction when I tell people I don’t have cable, but I have yet to hear a “oh, we don’t have cable either.”
But the movement is growing!
[…] Until last week, I had never heard of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, an animated show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim lineup. I expect most people hadn’t heard of it, either, even those of you who do have cable. But after last week’s bomb scare in Boston shut down parts of the city, which later turned out to be a guerrilla marketing campaign using magnetic blinking signs put up in public places, well, I think we’ve all heard of it now. […]
[…] Discovery Channel Features: As I have noted in the past, I don’t have cable. But I love Discovery Channel. This podcast lets me hear the audio portions of a variety of Discovery Channel shows, including I Shouldn’t Be Alive, Unsolved History, Cash Cab, and my kids favorite, Dirty Jobs. […]